Emulate, Not Imitate
At
tish, the Rebbe told over how he once met a couple who, after stating the fact that they had done an "exhaustive research of Judaism", related that they decided to pick the
mitzvos and ideals that "spoke to them". Essentially, they picked and chose what of Torah they valued and left the rest.
"And what do you hope from your children when they grow up?" asked the Rebbe.
"We would be pleased if they would follow suit and value the same things that we do."
"Well, " the Rebbe responded. "Forgive me for being the first to guarantee that they will do exactly as you did. You picked and chose what made sense to you, they will pick and choose what will make sense to them, and those two things are surely to be vastly different from each other. Children pick up which attitudes drive our decisions and actions. "How" we do something is much more important than the "what". That they know what speaks to you doesn't really matter; you are transmitting to them a "how" that cannot possibly sustain the ideals of Yiddishkeit through the next generation."